The journey

Everyday is a new day.

Or so they say.

It's not about the destination, it's about the journey.

Or so they say.

They say all sorts of things and I don't know who they are or why we should listen to them.

Each of us is different and each of us is similar.

We all want a few things in life and yet we are all stumbling down our own paths towards whatever it is that we are hoping to obtain or attain.

Is it about what we need or what we want? How do we know what it is that is going to be our life's passion? How do we know if we are doing the right thing? How do we truly know anything?

What is it that we are supposed to be doing anyway? Why is it that Americans are so incredibly depressed all the time? Why is it that young people are so miserable?

We compare ourselves to the rest of the world based on the things that we see about them on social media. Most people don't put their bad pictures out there for the world to see. So you're comparing your normal life to their highlight reel. But it is not fair to ourselves to compare our life to someone else's life.

We have to understand that we are on our own journey. We are only supposed to be better today than we were yesterday. We can't expect to be perfect. We aren't perfect and we don't live in a perfect world.

We can't expect to be what someone else is because we are not them. I am me and you are you. I am never going to be you and you are never going to be me. I am not as pretty as my two younger sisters and I don't try to be. I don't compare myself to them in that way.

I am not ever going to have the kind of life where I can say, "yeah, we have been married for 70 years." I already know that because I have never been married and I recently turned 37 years old. Lol. That's okay though. Because I can say that I have never been  divorced. I can say that I have never made the ultimate commitment that I couldn't keep. I can say that I am smarter than that. I can say that I would rather have never married than to be divorced 7 times. I can say that I believe that my God would rather me be sure before I make such a commitment that to be unsure and waste the time of myself and someone I care about.

It is not easy being me. It has been a struggle. It is a constant daily struggle. Everyday I try to be better than I was yesterday, and that is all I can really do.

And that's all that you can do too.

Writing for the sake of writing

I used to write all the time. I used to blog several times a day in an online diary site long before there were such sites as Facebook and Twitter. I wrote stories for a diary called Opinionations where we discussed politics and current events and provided news to those who were otherwise not going to watch the news.

I readily expressed my feelings online and in writings and handwritten letters to my friends.

And there came a point about 6 or 7 years ago when I didn't have daily constant access to the Internet. And then Facebook came about which lowered the traffic to the diary sites I used and they shut down. I stopped writing as much as I used to write.

Luckily I had downloaded copies of my diaries so I didn't lose them. Recently I reread some of my posts from 14 years ago or more, and I was astounded.

First, I was astounded at the things that I did not know back then. Somehow in my memory I had convinced myself that I was much wiser back then than I really was, as hindsight has shown me.

And second, I was astounded at my ability to write so well. I clearly and openly communicated my points. I wrote about my life with no abandon.

I wondered what happened to my writing skills. I wondered what happened to my drive to write about everday things. I used to be so excited about writing everyday. I used to be excited to get feedback on my writing, thoughts, feelings, ideas, concerns, and opinions. I was engaging and interesting.

"Am I not anymore?", I asked myself.

I soon realized that I am, and I still want to write. It has been my life's ambition to be a writer of great books. To be able to live on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean, sit on the beach and work from a laptop. To have the freedom to work anywhere in the world and not be forced to stay inside chained to a desk forever. I wanted to travel the world and write things that kept people thinking and informing them and helping them while also making me money. Lol.

Facebook used to be a place where people wrote about things in their life and then people started getting annoyed by the long posts and rambling thoughts. They wanted to see memes and pictures that they could share. And now it is taught as a best practice to keep your posts very short and your photos plentiful when you're posting on Facebook or Twitter.

Ebooks are published by people who cannot even write properly. I have read some that used broken English or seemed to be copied from other sources and haphazardly thrown together. If these people can be published, why can I not?

The thing is that I think I can. I have the ability to see things from different perspectives. I am objective, understanding and unbiased. I prefer facts to conjecture. I prefer truth to bullshit. Have those things been lost in the world due to the attention spans of the majority of people who simply don't want to read? I don't think so.

I have found that my ability to write lost its luster of years ago after I stopped writing as much. Like any skill, writing is something that in order to do it well you must do it often. To play the piano well as a kid I had to practice and practice alot.

I haven't been practicing my writing as much as I used to. I have read so many articles and information about marketing and blogging. I have read how you have to do this or that to get your audience. How you have to follow all these rules to make any money at writing. I used to write just for the sake of writing but now people don't seem to care about that anymore.

Only it seems to me that maybe I should not care about those people. I should care about my writing and the elite few who actually do like to read and write. I should care less about the masses of those who just aren't as bright as some people and more about the few who appreciate learning, information and truth.

So now I write for the sake of writing and if nobody reads what I write then that's fine. If everyone reads it that's fine too. But in order to get better at writing I am going to have to just simply write. And let the flow come back to me so that no matter what I do in life I don't lose my ability to effectively communicate with others.

Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (really)                           - 10/10/2002

I'm not sure where to begin, because I don't know where I'm leaving off really.  My thoughts go quickly...they flow fast...they are often random, rambling and in no certain order.  one thing leads to another.  I sometimes have the most horrible thoughts too. Sometimes I think that there is no way that I think the things I do.  Sometimes things on TV just freak me out.  Sometimes I feel so weird, I freak myself out - and that's not a good thing to do.  Sometimes I get paranoid, and I just don't know what's going on.  sometimes I jump to conclusions without knowing the full story.  I assume stuff too much, and I know that I do.

i have realized a lot about myself here lately, and I've realized that despite my best efforts not to be the one to cause some of the problems in my relationship - it was definitely partially my fault.  I can't deny that I have my own quirks that I have to work out.  There are times when I don't understand myself or my feelings, and sometimes I don't even feel like I really feel anything.  I think I'm genuinely a nice person.  I do try to do unto others...sometimes I just let the most idiotic things get a hold of me, and then I do something really stupid... and then I don't know what in the world is going on.

But I guess that's okay.  you never know what tomorrow brings, I guess.  Maybe I'm normal after all.

I just try to do the best I can, but sometimes I get sidetracked.  And sometimes I try to offset my bad karma with good karma but I don't know if it works that way.  I don't know how that karma thing works, though I do believe that it happens.  Then again sometimes I think I might believe in reincarnation.  But that doesn't work with Christianity, does it?  Then again, I read all these books and they just fill my head with the most stupid thoughts in the world. 

So, my good deed for the day has been to buy condolence cards for my boss whose ex-husband is dying.  They were supposed to take him off life support yesterday… I think I might buy some flowers too… Double good karma…. 

Thankful... I'm thankful for a lot of things that happened internally to me throughout the process of the past few weeks... I am really thankful for the internal transformation and the self-confidence I somehow got out of it--however crazy it might sound.  There was a time when I was really unhappy but then I did some realizing.  And then I was also blaming someone else for my problems when I could not blame that person really.  As my mother said when we broke up, one of the many times we do, "now you can't blame him if you don't do something" and that was true.  And then there came the point when I realized that is exactly what I was doing, and I wanted to work it out.  I keep saying I feel like he doesn't want to try and he says, do you have to try so hard?  meaning, why is it so hard - why should we have to try, it should just work.  There are a lot of reasons why that is true.  We are very compatible, in a lot of ways, and that's the truth.  

There have been times when we've struggled, but I think a lot of the problems were in my head, and not in reality.  It's so strange to me to be admitting something like that.  But that's how this works, I guess...

It doesn't matter how many bones I buy my freaked out dogs, they still seem to want to chew on my shoes... that really pisses me off...

there are so many websites that I am going to visit to post more things on the front page of the diary...i think that it's going to be kind of neat...at least I am hoping that it will... who knows?? I want to know how to do all the cool stuff that other people have on their diaries.  I am interested in knowing more about all of this stuff... it's so strange to me... and there are other things that are strange to me...

seinfeld is probably the most realistic show there ever has been, but then again, that is just my opinion... even though crazy things happened, there are crazy things that happen every single day in the real world.  the fact that it was often about nothing, but about something really makes me think that it's probably the best comedy show ever... I have laughed until I almost peed on myself watching that show.  even now, I just love to watch the reruns of the show and I have almost 10 tapes full of reruns that I've recorded...  I'd love to be able to just find the set of all of the episodes, like for the first season.. I've seen the sopranos..I've seen sex and the city..I've seen FRIENDS, but I haven't seen SEINFELD yet.  And you just really have to love that show.  I can't think of anyone who has ever watched it who doesn't like it, but I would bet there is at least one person in the world who likes that show.

7 Secret Signs that Reveal a Bad Relationship

7 Secret Signs that Reveal a Bad Relationship

by Chester Bloom

Originally posted at http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/broken-heart/signs-of-a-bad-relationship

Are you really in a happy relationship that’s heading towards a happily ever after? Read these 7 secret signs of a bad relationship to know the truth.Relationships can, at times, be far more complicated than it seems on the surface.

You could see a cute couple who are happy together and assume they’re going to be hitched for life.

And before you know it, the happy couple could break up and go their own ways?

Still water always runs deep.

What seems perfectly stable on the outside may not be so on the inside.
Sometimes, you may think you’re in a perfectly happy relationship when in truth, you may be heading towards a turbulent future with your lover.

[Read: What makes a relationship a good one?]

Secret signs of a bad relationship

When you’re floating on the high of a happy relationship, it’s easy to overlook all the little nagging issues that crop up now and then.

But before long, it’s the little things that’ll create bigger problems as they snowball over time.

Don’t let infatuation and intense affection for each other blind either of you from building a successful relationship on constructive grounds.

Keep an eye out for the hints of a bad relationship that show up now and then, and fix them before it gets worse. [Read: 16 tips to make your boyfriend want you more than ever]

The 7 secret signs that reveal a bad romance in progress

Constant arguments, affairs or unhappiness may be the big signs of a bad relationship. But these big signs don’t just crop up out of nowhere. And it’s the secret signs, those subtle hints that can even seem funny at first, that make way for the bigger problems to seep in.

Read these subtle signs of a bad relationship, and if you do experience something in your own relationship, weed them out before it affects your relationship further.

#1 Eye rolling. Do you take your partner or their suggestions seriously? You may find yourself dumbly smiling at your lover or ignoring your partner when they’re trying to say something to you. And your partner may even laugh about it.

But the fact that you didn’t listen to your partner or assumed that you were superior to your partner in that aspect shows that you don’t take your partner seriously. To begin with, it may just be a one-off incident.

But if you find yourself rolling your eyes each time you hear something from the next room or repeating ‘whatever’ inside your head, ask yourself why you’re taking your partner so lightly?

#2 Dominance. Dominance and power play in a relationship can be confusing to read, especially if you’re being subtle about it. Do you feel like one of you has more power in the relationship? A happy relationship has to have an equal balance of power between the two lovers. If you feel like you’re being dominated or not given enough control of the relationship and its direction, speak about it with your partner. [Read: 15 subtle signs of a controlling partner]

#3 Loss of respect. Respect for each other is crucial in a relationship. If you don’t respect your lover, your lover would start to shy away from giving suggestions or even playing a part in the functioning of the relationship. And almost all the time, your partner will end up getting attracted to someone else who respects them and likes them for the person they are. [Read: The reasons behind why you’re slowly falling out of love]

#4 Speaking ill of each other. Don’t insult each other just to get even or win an argument. And this is especially important when others are around. Don’t ridicule your partner, and, definitely, avoid saying anything demeaning to your partner when others are around. No matter how you say it, it’ll always be taken badly by your partner.

On the other hand, some people love talking about their partner’s inefficiencies to their friends, as if to expect solace and comfort. But by speaking ill of your partner to others, you’re only reassuring yourself that your partner is not good enough for you. How can a relationship last when all you’re trying to do is convince yourself that your lover is not good enough for you?

#5 Avoiding conflict and avoiding resolutions. Sometimes, it’s easier to overlook a few differences rather than pick a fight over it. But if something bothers you, don’t avoid talking about it with your partner.
If you find yourself grumbling to yourself about something, be it the dirty sink or the clothes lying around, but you still avoid talking about it to your partner, it’ll do more damage than good. The rage that accumulates inside you would start to distance you from your partner, and yet, your partner would have no idea about what’s bothering you. [Read: 7 steps to the happiest relationship you can have]

#6 Taking each other for granted. This is one of the most common signs of a bad relationship. All of us take our partners for granted. But there’s a thin line between feeling good about helping someone and feeling like an overworked mule. It’s very easy to unknowingly take your partner for granted. Learn to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and ask yourself how you’d feel. It’ll help you realize when you’re being overbearing and annoying. [Read: 25 relationship rules for successful love]

#7 Silence. Talk is cheap and silence is golden. True, almost in all cases, but not in a relationship. When you’re in love, communication helps open up both your minds and creates a better bond. Do both of you spend your evenings watching your favorite telly shows after work, and hardly talk about anything with each other? It may seem like a perfect way to relax after a tiring and long day.

But over times, this lack of communication will disconnect both of you from each other. And soon enough, both of you won’t have anything to share with each other because your minds and ideas are so far apart.
[Read: Perfect things to talk about in a perfect relationship]

If you’re looking for signs of a bad relationship, focus on these 7 signs to begin with. After all, even the biggest of relationship problems have to start with these little secret signs.

We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world. But we can’t do it without YOU!

Did this feature help you better yourself or your relationship? You can change someone else’s life too!