Work In Progress

WORK IN PROGRESS

I am working on becoming a more positive person so that I can have a positive attitude and a positive impact on other people. I have, of late, become a negative Nelly. It is something that happens to me every year around the holidays and the New Year. 

I know that I am not the negative person that I have become lately. I know that I am not going to get there overnight. I know that I did not become negative overnight so it's not going to be am overnight story for me to get back to the positive side of life. I know that it will take time and effort to get to where I want to be.

Lately I have been feeling like the few pounds that I have gained is the worst thing in the world. I have not been able to get into the clothes that I have, and last year, I gave away alot of my fat clothes. I had lost alot of weight and I thought that maybe I would keep it off. Unfortunately, as soon as I got a boyfriend who loved to eat as much as I do, or probably more than I do, the weight slipped back on me.

And with the weight going up, the self esteem went down. Not only that but my boyfriend is not exactly a compliment machine. I am not complaining about him as I know there are other good qualities that he has. I just know that some of my self esteem in my life has come from the compliments of others.

Because I am aware that it is taking validation from others to get my self esteem up, I am trying to change that as well. I should know that I do not need validation from anyone else out there. I know that I am a smart woman. I know that I am a kind person. I know that I am an understanding person. I don't know why my self esteem comes from how other people see me. That makes no sense whatsoever.

It is called self esteem. That means it must come from within my heart and my own brain. I know that I must get things back to the way they used to be. I was well liked by everyone and I actually enjoyed being around other people. Nowadays there are days when I don't want to leave my house. There are days when I don't want to be around anyone except my dogs. And there are days when I don't want to stay in my house at all.

I have thought about the reasons why my moods fluctuate and I have found that sometimes it is all about what is going on inside my head. It is the thoughts that I have. It is the procrastination of it all. I want my house to be a certain way and to be clean but I don't get up and actually do any of those things. I just think about how I want to get them done.

Procrastination and laziness have become part of who I am the older I have gotten. I think part of it is because of an accident I had years ago. Before that car accident, ten years ago this April, I was always on the go. I was always doing something, cleaning something, cooking something, or studying something. I was also extremely stressed out and high strung. I was not really happy either. And yet here I am now, completely the opposite, and I am not happy here either. That tells me that I am out of balance somewhere.

After my accident and the injuries I sustained, I wasn't able to physically do the things that I had been doing. I had to get used to needing help to walk, put clothes on, bathe, etc. I had a very difficult time with all of those things but chronic pain tends to let you know when you can or cannot do something. I was so young when the accident happened, and for someone in her middle 20s it was hard to no longer be able to do just basic tasks, much less things that I wanted to do like go walking or shopping or cleaning or going to visit people.

In time I was able to get back to where I could do basic tasks but the pain from sitting or standing too long still bothers me. Ten years later and I am still unable to do many things that I could do years ago, but now I have learned my physical limitations. I know that I am not able to sit or stand for long periods. I know that I must exercise regularly to keep my back healthier. I know that I cannot gain a tremendous amount of weight because it is harder on my back than on someone with a healthy back.

Because it took time for me to get to this point then I know that it will take time for me to get back to a more normal life. But how do I even go about doing that? When nothing but negative thoughts plague my mind these days how exactly do I get back to a positive frame of mind?

I have read and written articles about the power of positive thinking but I still find myself plagued with negative thoughts and therefore negative attitudes towards things in my life.

I am tired of being this way and yet I have not found the perfect solution for my issues. I am still working on it. And that's why I consider myself to be a work in progress and not a finished masterpiece. But I am still working on it and that's what really matters.

Crazy, Crazy, Crazy

Crazy, Crazy...                                    - 10/9/2002

I feel completely horrible for what I’ve done.  I feel like my conscious can't take it anymore, but then I remember that if I do say something I’m going to lose someone I love very much.  That makes me so freaking angry sometime...  I don't want to lose him.  I try to remember those people who say, if you tell that will only make you feel better but the other person feel worse. And I don't want to make anything worse; I want to make it better.  I understand what I've done is so very wrong, and I am not the best person in the world. 

But at the same time, gees, I didn't really do anything THAT horrible.  I didn't kill anyone though.  I sometimes can't quite understand the things that (A) said what he said about me.  All of the things I read on his diary sometimes just - I just didn't know what to say. 

Sometimes I thought it could work, but (A) is a real - chameleon.  He says what you want to hear, and he acts how he thinks he's coming off to you, but in real life it just doesn't work out like that. He’s not what he seems on this OD thing.  That really is the truth.  He comes on here, to more or less, publicly gain sympathy for something that is not exactly as he described it.  Yeah, I knew his feelings for me, and yeah, I told him I felt something, but I never said anything more than that.  He heard what he wanted to hear, and he knows that inside.  It really pisses me the fuck off that he just goes around saying shit like that to get people to agree with him, but he's not telling the whole story ever and he fucking knows it.   He jades what really happened by pointing at me for everything.  As if I’m the most horrible, cold-hearted bitch in the world, and I know I’m not. 

I just don't quite understand that crazy motherfucker.  I am really telling the truth.  He never ever said anything that he did during all of this.  Yeah, he would say when he would just scream at me, but he would just throw these horrible tantrums sometimes.  I mean, he would guilt trip me, and I was just like... arg...

I don't know.  I did care and I was confused, and I believed him, but I never felt right, and I know he knew it.  I am sure he felt it.  He did know it.  I tried to make him feel better, but it never worked like I thought it was going to work.  I am not in-love with him.  He just has to know that and understand that.  Yeah, there were times when I thought there were overwhelming feelings, but now, I think they were just a mirage. 

I was seeing him as I saw him in my head, simply because of how we met -- online.  My God, people do not realize how different it is sometimes when you meet someone you met this way.  It is so strange.  If you've never done it, then you'll never understand, but if you have, then you will.  It's never the same, and usually it's not going to work.  When you're face to face with someone, you can't fake anything.

 And he really did break down to me sometimes, and I felt, just, compelled to try to make him feel better.  I swear, it really got on my nerves. In some ways it was worse the BF.  I was so fucking pissed off too a lot of the time.   (A) had me fucking stressed out like you wouldn't believe so much of the time with the things he'd say to me. Nobody on this freaking OD knows this shit, but of course he's not going to say it and I'm really not going to say it under a name where I know he's going to look and read.  He says he won't but I certainly know better than that.  I am done with this shit, as far as he's concerned.  He really scared me sometimes and I knew that there were times when he would get really depressed.  He did have horrible mood swings and it would just get on my nerves.  It was worse than anything else. I was just drained from having to deal with him.  Yes, I wanted someone to talk to, but I obviously got in over my head.  The more I tried to stop it, he kept on, and I was just an idiot to even get involved in all his crap.  I knew what he was dealing with a long time ago, and that's why we didn't talk for a while, and you know, it's okay if we don't ever talk again.  Perhaps we will, perhaps we won't.  There’s really no telling and sometimes I think I don't even really care all that much if we do.  I mean, sure I did care, but the more I think about it, I was really just not in the position to be talking to someone like him.  I mean, he's just too intense for me, especially right now.  I trusted him as a friend and he used that stuff against me, and I know it.  I knew he would, and he said he wouldn't but I shouldn't have trusted him.  He kept on saying that shit about how I should trust him, but now that I think about it, he was just using some sort of mind manipulation to get what he wanted.  I really can't stand him anymore for that, though I do hope all of the best for him. 

At some point, he'll be happy, but I’m not going to have to deal with that crap anymore, and that's good, actually, even though I do miss him terribly sometimes.

Lately.

Lately...                                          - 10/9/2002

There is no real way to explain everything that has happened here lately.

I feel incredibly guilty over what I’ve done to the BF, and it truly hurts me.  I don't quite understand why I did those things, but I did. And then I hurt the other guy and that's not a good thing either.  It’s like I’m just setting myself up for bad karma.  That’s not a good thing.  I mean, it's just not.  Karma does come back to bite you on the ass, and I am truly not looking forward to getting that bite.  But then sometimes I think that maybe my actions were as a result of some bad karma that someone else might have built up themselves.  Sometimes we do get paid back and we don't even really know it.  Everything happens for a reason.  That is the only mantra that I will stand by forever.  Even when there seems to be no explanation, there always is one.  Sometimes it's just not in the blueprint of your life.  Sometimes you have to understand that there is someone else in control of your life.  Of course, I don't mean a human being, but a spiritual being.  Sometimes it's hard to really have the faith that we, as people, need to have.  Sometimes when things get bad, I certainly am guilty of not having any faith in anything, least of all myself.  There are times when I just would like to run as fast as I could from all of the problems that I seem to have in my life -- until I realize the problem is me and not anyone else.  There is nobody to blame for what I’ve done.  There is nobody left to blame.  Everyone else would disagree with me.  They’ve seen what I’ve endured; they've seen the pain I’ve gone through.  They think that other people are to blame and I’m not totally to blame.  I can't deny the fact that I’m not the best person in the world, there is no doubt about that. 

I’ve realized a lot of things here lately and those realizations are not easily dealt with.

I realized that I cause a lot of my own problems because of my own head - my own crazy, over-thinking head.  No, I’m not really crazy.  I’m actually very normal, very nice, and very friendly, funny and charming.  I am a bit above average, if you ask me, but who isn't supposed to think that about themselves? 

I think that I’ve realized that no matter how hard you try, you can't be whatever someone else wants you to be, especially if you don't really FEEL it in your heart.  It’s hard to live up to expectations that you really don't "want" to live up to.  It’s really hard to do that.  It’s hard to be someone you don't want to be for a long time for someone you realize you don't really like.

there are times when I don't really know why I would risk what I did, for the person I did, and though I know there was indeed some reason for it, hopefully it was to bring my BF and I closer.  He’s done so much to push me away for so long, that I’ve just drove me insane completely. 

There is no understanding all of the feelings that I have for my BF.  I mean, the more I think about it, the more I realize there were so many things that I did wrong, and that really did hurt me.  And it still does.  I am going to try to make the best of things, and I hope that things will work out.  I really blew a lot of things out of proportion when it came to him.  I mean if it had only been the drinking then I could understand, but there were some other issues that I never really felt confident about.  There were some other things that had happened, some things with his ex-girlfriend that really did hurt me.  And he would defend her.  He never seemed to want to defend me when it came to anything.  I loved him, and I did adore him.  I tried my best to be everything that he wanted, and then eventually, I grew a bit tired and I just shouldn't have given up, and now I am glad to have another chance because I really want to make this work, and I really think that it can.  He seems to be happy and that really makes me feel good.  I love him so much, and I want to be with him and I want him to be with me *and I want us to be happy*.  I know that is dependent upon so much other stuff, but... oh well...  I guess you never really know what in the world might happen.

I am hoping that things will be okay.  I am hoping that things will fall into place as they are supposed to, but I want to be with my BF very much.  I want this to work.  I want to make things work, and as far as I can tell, we do get along good actually.  I have learned not to be so jealous.  I've learned not to be so angry all the time.  I've learned not to take my anger out on him.  I've also learned to try to talk about things that are bothering me rather than holding them inside.  The pain I felt always came out as anger and I would lash out at him for the stupidest things.  I love him more than anything, and I really am hoping that things will work out.  I mean, we've been together a long time.  Sure, we've had problems, but I am hoping us getting back together this time will be a success.  I mean, we do love each other so very much. I know I adore him.  I want to be with him more than ever, and when I realized that - it was so weird, a strange feeling came over me.  I realized that I was just a big idiot about everything that happened.  I am really going to try this time. I am going to do right, and I am not going to be anything but good.  I mean, sure before I was good, but now I'm going to be better.  I was hurt, and I retaliated and I am very sorry.

25 Memorable Life Lessons to Perfect Your Life

25 Memorable Life Lessons to Perfect Your Life

life lessons to perfect your life

Life is full of surprises. But it’s also full of lessons if you’re willing to learn from it. Use these 25 life lessons to lead a perfect and happier life.

The magical thing about lessons in life is that you learn something new every day.

Some of these lessons you learn are small.

And some others, well, they can help you change your life forever.

With every failure or heartbreak that you experience, there’s a lesson to learn from it.

Most of us are so distraught by the failures of everyday life, that we fail to see the bright side of our own failures.

How can a failure ever have a bright side, you may ask.

But if you think deeper, every moment of pain, suffering or ecstatic happiness always leaves you with something to learn.

From the first time you burnt your finger on a flame to your last romance, every moment has taught you something new that you won’t forget. [Read: Easy steps to stop a selfish person from hurting you]

Life lessons from everyday life

While there may be many lessons that you’ve learnt every day in your life, in all probability, you would have forgotten most of them as soon as the moment passes.

And when you forget an important lesson in life, it has a way of coming right back into your life to teach you the same lesson all over again, until you don’t ever forget it.

But will you learn from that lesson? Or will you get distracted and overlook the lessons each time?

25 life lessons that can make a positive difference in your life

A lesson well learnt can help you in every aspect of your life. It can help you be more successful, more wary, and most importantly, more happy.

But if you want a list of great lessons that can truly help you change your life for the better, here are 25 real life lessons that you always need to remember. [Read: I have no idea on what to do with my life]

Keep these 25 lessons in mind, and really, you won’t be the one looking back at your life many years from now, and wondering ‘what if…?’

#1 Trust your instincts. Your instincts don’t always involve a sixth sense. Sometimes, it’s your subconscious mind that picks signs your conscious mind can’t see. So if you feel like something’s not right, big chances are, your subconscious mind has learnt a few lessons from previous experiences that can help you make a better judgment in that moment.

#2 Your life is nothing but a collection of memories. One of the things that constantly bother older people is the fact that they believe they haven’t achieved enough in life. Very few people ever feel like they’ve achieved everything they wanted to before they have to move on.

Time flies and you won’t even know it. After all, time doesn’t stop for anyone. So instead of wasting away your years staring at a big bucket list and waiting for the perfect life, create yearly milestones and try to pursue everything you want, be it in love or in life. If you looked back at your life so far and feel like you’ve achieved nothing of significance yet, you’ll feel the same way many decades later too.

#3 Coincidences happen all the time. Successful and happy people are extremely lucky people. Somehow, happy coincidences cross their path all the time.

And you know what, you can have all those coincidences too. But a coincidence means nothing unless you’re prepared for it. Work towards your happiness with determination. When you’re ready for it, your personal lucky coincidence will cross your path sooner than you think. [Read: How to take that first step and be successful in life]

#4 Relationships are a barter system. This may seem difficult to digest, but every single relationship in your mortal life is a barter of give and take. Even unconditional love will fade if it’s not reciprocated over time.

If you give, you will receive. If you receive, you need to give. If that balance shifts, you’ll experience unhappiness. [Read: 25 relationship rules for successful love]

#5 It’s very easy to give your heart way. Giving a piece of your heart away by loving someone is very easy and effortless. But if the person you love doesn’t care about that piece of your heart you’ve given or doesn’t want it, you’d get hurt pretty badly. Don’t waste your thoughts and time on someone who doesn’t make you happy. Take time to fall in love and protect your heart. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon sucks!]

#6 No person is good or bad. Humans aren’t good or bad. It’s only your perspective that makes a person good or bad. Even a really good person could turn out to be your worst enemy. And even your worst enemy has their own best friends. So don’t be judgmental when someone opposes you, learn to think from their perspective.

#7 Persistence is courageous. But even the boldest person should know when to give up. Always remember that giving up is never a bad thing, just as long as you know you’ve tried your best.

#8 Hard work is good, smart work is better. A farmer could use his hands to dig his field and he may take a year to complete it even if he works from dawn to dusk every day. But by using a plowing machine, he could probably do the same job in a day.

Hard work pays all the time, no matter what you do. But smart work always beats hard work hands down.

#9 Enjoy your present. It’s the little moments you experience everyday that come together to make your life. But don’t forget to plan your daily activities keeping your future in mind. [Read: How to stop being jealous of someone else’s success]

#10 Positive thinking is happiness. Positive thinking makes you feel good about yourself. It makes you feel more confident and gives you the strength to face any hurdle in life. As long as you fill your mind with positivity, it will help you achieve your dreams and will keep you happy every day.

#11 Negative thinking will make you a failure. A person who fills their mind with nothing but negative thoughts will never be happy, because they’re too obsessed with thoughts on how bad the world is.

When you think about someone or something with negativity, it drains your energy and fills you with negativity, which will repel happy people away from you. And most importantly, you need to remember that the grudge, anger or hate you hold against someone will never affect that person. It will only affect you and hurt you. [Read: Signs your negative thinking is ruining your life]

#12 It’s never the end of the world. It’s never too late to start afresh, and it’s never too late to be what you might have been. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve failed or how deep in the pits you are today. All it takes is the determination and the effort to put one foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you’ll be exactly where you want to be.

#13 Don’t worry. Worrying about something over which you have no control over will never help you. Remember this line, worry is interest paid on trouble before it’s due. It doesn’t matter whether you worry or not, when something has to happen, it will. So will you worrying about something change the outcome? Of course not! So really, why are you worrying?

#14 Accept failure. A big life lesson you need to learn is to learn to accept failure now and then. Failure doesn’t make you weak, in fact, it helps you understand the reasons behind your failure better. Every time you fail, try to learn something from it so you never repeat the same mistake ever again.

The stronger the breeze, the mightier the oak becomes. When you experience failure, your success will taste sweeter. After all, you can’t appreciate true happiness until you have known sadness, can you? [Read: 12 steps to be perfect in everything you do]

#15 Be happy in your life. There are many of us who are tireless naggers. Do you find yourself feeling miserable no matter what you do? Learn to appreciate life and try to be happy with what you have, because there are many others who are less fortunate than you.

Sometimes, it takes losing something to truly understand how special it was to you. Don’t learn that from a failed experience because it can hurt a lot. Instead, learn it by looking all around you. When you realize how lucky you are, you’ll be thankful for what you have and lead a happier life.

#16 Arguments and relationships. Immature people always want to win an argument even at the cost of a relationship. Mature people understand that it’s always better to lose an argument and win a relationship.

You may not realize this, but arguments are constructive only when it ends with a better understanding of each other’s minds. Winning counts for nothing, because you’d only make the other person feel more hurt or angry. [Read: How to fight fair in a relationship]

#17 The world is not unfair. If you think the world is unfair to you alone, then you’re a coward and a liar. It’s easy to look for excuses to dwell in your misery, and avoid moving on in your life. When you’re pushed to a corner, learn to push back and make your own space. Crap happens all the time, but what you do to move on makes all the difference between a strong minded person and a weak one.

#18 Money isn’t everything. Your pursuit of wealth and material happiness can definitely give you pleasure. But at the end of the day, relationships and inner satisfaction will give you more meaning to life than a fat bank balance. Ask a billionaire that question and they’ll say the same thing.

What kind of a paycheck do you think you need to experience financial freedom and happiness? Plan your life and work towards that goal. If you can do better than that, well, good for you. But when you achieve that monetary figure, instead of devoting your life to earning more, focus on your relationships. [Read: What should I do with my life to make it better?]

#19 Life is no fun unless you take chances. A life without a bit of risk isn’t a life worth living. You can’t go through life protecting yourself from everything just because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Sometimes, break free from your routine. It’ll give you more happiness than you think.

#20 You will never ever be satisfied in life. This is a life lesson you need to keep in mind because this is one you’ll forget most easily. As humans, we’re greedy and always want more, no matter what we already have.

If you truly want to feel satisfied in life, don’t let monetary goals define your life’s successes. Instead, focus on happy moments and the experiences you’ve had.

#21 Love yourself. If you hate yourself or feel like you’re no good, you’ll never truly achieve your true potential in your life. Don’t ever try to be someone you’re not just to fit in. Instead, work on your perceived flaws and be the best person you can be. When you love yourself, you’ll feel more confident about yourself and your abilities. [Read: How to love yourself and become a much better you]

#22 Your future is in your hands alone. This is a life lesson that should be ingrained deep within you. You control your own future. And what you do today can change your future forever.

Living each day like it’s your last may not be the best way to plan your future. Instead, make each day in your life feel like an achievement. You’ll achieve greatness in your life only when you make each day in your life count for something valuable.

#23 Take a decision. Postponing a decision will only make your life more worrisome and troubled. Remember, there are just two choices in every obstacle or confusion you face in life. You can either walk away, or you can pursue on.

So instead of letting your worries mount up and distract you all the time, make up your mind and move on with a firm decision.

#24 Don’t blame another person. When you put the blame on someone else even though you were involved in the failure, you’re only limiting your own growth, especially in relationships. Learn to accept failure and mistakes gracefully instead of arguing about it. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and others around you]

#25 Have principles in life. This is the most important lesson in life that you need to learn. Your principles in life give you your identity and define who you are. Sometimes, it’s easy to be judgmental or do something you’ll regret later. You may even cheat a friend or take advantage of someone else’s misfortune, and as thrilling as the idea may be at that moment, you may feel bad about what you did when the excitement dies down.

That’s where setting clear principles in life can make all the difference. When you have set principles and rules about what you feel is morally right and wrong, and follow it in everything you do, it’ll make you a better human being and give you a clean conscience. Just remember to be just in your principles though, and understand that the rules that you apply for everyone else around you has to be followed by you too.

Experience is the best teacher of important lessons in life. But if you keep these 25 life lessons in mind and use them every day, you can avoid the pain of bitter experiences and lead a happier and more fulfilling life sooner than you think.

7 Secret Signs that Reveal a Bad Relationship

7 Secret Signs that Reveal a Bad Relationship

by Chester Bloom

Originally posted at http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/broken-heart/signs-of-a-bad-relationship

Are you really in a happy relationship that’s heading towards a happily ever after? Read these 7 secret signs of a bad relationship to know the truth.Relationships can, at times, be far more complicated than it seems on the surface.

You could see a cute couple who are happy together and assume they’re going to be hitched for life.

And before you know it, the happy couple could break up and go their own ways?

Still water always runs deep.

What seems perfectly stable on the outside may not be so on the inside.
Sometimes, you may think you’re in a perfectly happy relationship when in truth, you may be heading towards a turbulent future with your lover.

[Read: What makes a relationship a good one?]

Secret signs of a bad relationship

When you’re floating on the high of a happy relationship, it’s easy to overlook all the little nagging issues that crop up now and then.

But before long, it’s the little things that’ll create bigger problems as they snowball over time.

Don’t let infatuation and intense affection for each other blind either of you from building a successful relationship on constructive grounds.

Keep an eye out for the hints of a bad relationship that show up now and then, and fix them before it gets worse. [Read: 16 tips to make your boyfriend want you more than ever]

The 7 secret signs that reveal a bad romance in progress

Constant arguments, affairs or unhappiness may be the big signs of a bad relationship. But these big signs don’t just crop up out of nowhere. And it’s the secret signs, those subtle hints that can even seem funny at first, that make way for the bigger problems to seep in.

Read these subtle signs of a bad relationship, and if you do experience something in your own relationship, weed them out before it affects your relationship further.

#1 Eye rolling. Do you take your partner or their suggestions seriously? You may find yourself dumbly smiling at your lover or ignoring your partner when they’re trying to say something to you. And your partner may even laugh about it.

But the fact that you didn’t listen to your partner or assumed that you were superior to your partner in that aspect shows that you don’t take your partner seriously. To begin with, it may just be a one-off incident.

But if you find yourself rolling your eyes each time you hear something from the next room or repeating ‘whatever’ inside your head, ask yourself why you’re taking your partner so lightly?

#2 Dominance. Dominance and power play in a relationship can be confusing to read, especially if you’re being subtle about it. Do you feel like one of you has more power in the relationship? A happy relationship has to have an equal balance of power between the two lovers. If you feel like you’re being dominated or not given enough control of the relationship and its direction, speak about it with your partner. [Read: 15 subtle signs of a controlling partner]

#3 Loss of respect. Respect for each other is crucial in a relationship. If you don’t respect your lover, your lover would start to shy away from giving suggestions or even playing a part in the functioning of the relationship. And almost all the time, your partner will end up getting attracted to someone else who respects them and likes them for the person they are. [Read: The reasons behind why you’re slowly falling out of love]

#4 Speaking ill of each other. Don’t insult each other just to get even or win an argument. And this is especially important when others are around. Don’t ridicule your partner, and, definitely, avoid saying anything demeaning to your partner when others are around. No matter how you say it, it’ll always be taken badly by your partner.

On the other hand, some people love talking about their partner’s inefficiencies to their friends, as if to expect solace and comfort. But by speaking ill of your partner to others, you’re only reassuring yourself that your partner is not good enough for you. How can a relationship last when all you’re trying to do is convince yourself that your lover is not good enough for you?

#5 Avoiding conflict and avoiding resolutions. Sometimes, it’s easier to overlook a few differences rather than pick a fight over it. But if something bothers you, don’t avoid talking about it with your partner.
If you find yourself grumbling to yourself about something, be it the dirty sink or the clothes lying around, but you still avoid talking about it to your partner, it’ll do more damage than good. The rage that accumulates inside you would start to distance you from your partner, and yet, your partner would have no idea about what’s bothering you. [Read: 7 steps to the happiest relationship you can have]

#6 Taking each other for granted. This is one of the most common signs of a bad relationship. All of us take our partners for granted. But there’s a thin line between feeling good about helping someone and feeling like an overworked mule. It’s very easy to unknowingly take your partner for granted. Learn to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and ask yourself how you’d feel. It’ll help you realize when you’re being overbearing and annoying. [Read: 25 relationship rules for successful love]

#7 Silence. Talk is cheap and silence is golden. True, almost in all cases, but not in a relationship. When you’re in love, communication helps open up both your minds and creates a better bond. Do both of you spend your evenings watching your favorite telly shows after work, and hardly talk about anything with each other? It may seem like a perfect way to relax after a tiring and long day.

But over times, this lack of communication will disconnect both of you from each other. And soon enough, both of you won’t have anything to share with each other because your minds and ideas are so far apart.
[Read: Perfect things to talk about in a perfect relationship]

If you’re looking for signs of a bad relationship, focus on these 7 signs to begin with. After all, even the biggest of relationship problems have to start with these little secret signs.

We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world. But we can’t do it without YOU!

Did this feature help you better yourself or your relationship? You can change someone else’s life too! 

The Many Shades of Love

The Many Shades of Love 

By Jodi Jones

The questions brought to my attention a few months ago were “what is love?” and “how do you know if you love someone?”  After months of thought, I found a comprehensive answer to this question.  There are a few points to remember when considering love though.  First, love is a feeling. It is not a relationship or a marriage or a friendship. It is a deep feeling inside one’s heart.  Second, to be “in love” with someone and to “love” someone are two different feelings.  Third, in order to love, one has to have the capacity to truly and genuinely love another person before they can fall in love.  Believe it or not, there are actually people out there who don’t have that ability. 

There are different kinds of love but in this instances, I am referring to romantic love, or to be “in love” with someone.  I’m not talking about the kind of love we feel for our parents, children, or pets, or favorite foods, movies, or actors. 

True love is very deep. It is not a shallow feeling and it doesn’t come easily.  You can’t quickly come into love and you don’t quickly fall out of love with someone.  I remember girls in high school, writing all over their notebooks I love so-n-so; only to dump that person and find a new boyfriend and then they’d have to scratch out the first guy’s name. You don’t truly love someone that quickly, and that’s why adults always scoff at teenagers “in love”.  That’s basically no more than liking someone. 

True love requires trust and understanding. Love is complicated. Love is not that someone doesn’t get on your nerves.  It’s not that simple, and everyone is going to get on your nerves if you spend enough time with them.  Yet you can’t truly love someone until you spend a lot of time with that person.  Anyone can be fake for a few hours a day or a few hours a week.  Anyone can pretend to be something they’re not for a while, but they can’t pretend forever, so eventually, the real person will come to the surface.  And when you truly love someone, you will love the real person.

            You can easily love the “idea” of a person.  You can easily love being in love.  You can easily love certain qualities about a person. You can love their “thoughtfulness” or their “understanding” or “compassion”.  But they may also be selfish, cranky or downright cold sometimes.  But to love someone means to love the real person and to love the whole person.  You can’t only love someone when they are happy or in a good mood.  To love someone is to love them for who they really are, and to love them on good days and bad days, in good moods and bad moods.  Love is true and faithful and never-ending. Love is kind and patient.  Love is not selfish; it is selfless.  Love is not a material possession either. You can’t love someone for their money, status, or job in life.  If that’s the case then you really just love money, status or job titles and not the real person.  Love means loving that person if they had nothing or if they had everything.  When you love someone, you don’t want anything material from them.  That’s not why you love them.  You love them because you accept them for who they are. 

            Love is not flaky and it’s not like a mood swing. It doesn’t just come and go.  Love isn’t something that you say just because the other person said it.  Love doesn’t lose interest in you. Love doesn’t leave you just because you’re not feeling well today.  Love changes and doesn’t always stay the same, but it’s not shallow.  You can fall in and out of love with someone, but genuine love never ends.  True love doesn’t end.  Love means putting that person’s happiness above your own.  You want that person to be happy whether they are with you or not with you.  Love means wanting the person to be successful – not for what it means for you but for what it will mean for them.  Love means putting the other person’s needs ahead of your own needs.  If they need something that you have the ability to give, then you will give it – not even consciously. And it won’t upset you that you have to give it because you want to give it.  You want to give them anything that you have simply because you truly love them.  Love means meeting that other person’s needs as they strive to meet your needs. 

Love doesn’t happen over night. It takes time to develop because then you will get to know the real person and you will see if you love that true person or if you merely loved the idea of that person.  Love doesn’t require you to change who you are. Love accepts you for who you are.  Love is not easy but it should not be hard.  Love takes work and it takes nourishment, it takes sacrifice and compromise.  Love should add to your life – not take away from your life through changing.  Love shouldn’t be your whole life either; it’s a part of your life.  Love is not who you are.  Love requires work and sacrifice, but if it is what you want, then it is not a job or a chore to you.  The reward of being in love and being loved by the person that you love makes everything that you do while with them worth every second of it.  Love requires give and take with both people giving and both taking.  Love cannot last if one person is always giving while they other person is always taking.  It’s good for the taker, but the giver will eventually get tired of giving and the relationship will end or the giver will seek his/her needs to be met elsewhere.  Love is not good sex, although the best sex happens with the person you are deeply and truly in love with.  All couples come to a point where the sex gets old, routine, and boring. If you truly love the person then you will do what is required to make it better for both of you, and it will not be bad for you.

Sacrifices aren’t really sacrifices when you do them for the person that you love.

Love is not jealous – people are jealous.  Love requires that you trust the other person and you trust his/her love for you.  You can’t truly and wholeheartedly love someone that you do not trust. 

Love is not hard, but worthwhile.  Love is never easy but it is the most wonderful thing with the right person.  Love is strange and sometimes impossible.  Everyone wants to feel loved, but not everyone wants to put forth the effort required to love another person.  Love is different from anything else in the world, yet it is the best thing in the world also.  True love takes a long time to develop.  It is easy to get feelings for someone or to like someone, but when you love them, it’s very different from just liking them. 

To love them requires that you love them all the time, not just sometimes.  Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that everyday is going to be like a fairy tale.  Reality is that few days are like fairy tales. It is very hard to grasp what it means to truly love another person and to truly be in love with another person.

True love isn’t something that you seek out. It isn’t something that you force. It isn’t something that you deceive the other person into feeling.  It isn’t something that you can force on someone.  For someone to truly love you, you must love yourself as well.  You must know that you are a wonderful person and not need someone else to tell you that you are wonderful. 

Love means wanting the other person to have everything he/she wants in life. Love means to share with the other person as well. You want to share your life with them, you don’t want to give up your life to be with them.  You want them to be part of your life. And when you find the right person to love, they will fit into your life – seamlessly and almost effortlessly.  Although it takes work to keep the love alive and “hot” as it is when it’s first starting, it is very easy to do this when you truly love the other person.  Part of loving someone is communicating with them also.  If you don’t communicate with them about your needs, your life, and your thoughts, then they can’t love the real you but merely the parts of you that you are showing them.